Real clients want REAL HELP

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“It is useless to try to help people who want your
attention but not any kind of real help.”
~Toni Stone, www.wonderworks.org

In building your business, it is essential to figure out who

wants your real help, and who just wants attention.  This

is a distinction which makes the difference between a thriving

business, and a hobby.  Believe me, I know!  Over the years I

have enjoyed serving people as a coach, hypnotherapist,

dance teacher, meditation teacher, musician, writer, and

saleswoman.   And during various phases, I have been

lured into the seductive pull of “the person who wants my

attention”.

This person is sometimes rich, sometimes poor,

sometimes liberal, sometimes conservative.  The one quality

this person always has is a desire to talk my ear off without

being willing to pay for any of my services which could

help them get a desired result.  It’s not that they can’t pay,

as I said, sometimes they are very well off, living in a large

home with a fancy car.  The thing is, THEY DON”T WANT

REAL CHANGE.  They just want attention for the complaint.

You know these folks.  The friend who bemoans the lousy

relationship for a year, the client who wants ever more of your

unpaid time, your sister who complains perpetually about her

boss…It makes you feel good to listen, until you notice that you

are feeling drained or your bills aren’t getting paid.  Wake up!

Most people will not make a real change until they invest in

something different for themselves with time & money.

I am so grateful for these people, because when I am

entertaining them it is a sign that more real helping is needed.

And so I get in action to enroll more coaching clients, more

inspirational talks & performances, more meditation students.

I am happy to be where real help is happening~ where people

are investing in real change for themselves, and getting it,

because they are paying for it.

Where are you giving attention to people who don’t

want real change?  What can you do to be of real service?

And where can you allow yourself to receive real income

for a job well done?  Real people help real people.

That’s how it works.

 

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Clients are people who want real help

real-help-web-no-subtitle

“It is useless to try to help people who want your
attention but not any kind of real help.”
~Toni Stone, www.wonderworks.org

In building your business, it is essential to figure out who

wants your real help, and who just wants attention.  This

is a distinction which makes the difference between a

thriving business, and a hobby.  Believe me, I know!

Over the years I have enjoyed serving people as a coach,

therapist, dance teacher, musician, writer,

and saleswoman.   And during various phases, I have

been lured into the seductive pull of “the person who

wants my attention”.

This person is sometimes rich, sometimes poor, sometimes

liberal, sometimes conservative.  The one quality this

person has always is a desire to talk my ear off without

being willing to pay for any of my services which could

help them get a desired result.  It’s not that they are poor,

as I said, sometimes they are very well off, living in a large

home with a fancy car.  The thing is, THEY DON”T WANT

REAL CHANGE.  They just want attention for the complaint.

You know these folks.  The friend who bemoans the lousy

relationship for a year, the client who wants ever more of

your unpaid time, your sister who complains perpetually

about her boss…It makes you feel good to listen, until you notice

that you are feeling drained and your business needs more attention.

Truth is, most people will not make a real change until they

invest in something different for themselves with time & money.

I am so grateful for these people, because when I am

entertaining them it is a sign that I need more real

work.  And so I get in action to enroll more coaching

clients, more inspirational talks & performances,

more meditation students.  I am happy to be

where real help is happening~people are investing

in real change for themselves, and getting it,

because they are paying for it..

Where are you giving attention to people who don’t

want real change?  What can you do to be of

real service?  And allow the real help of good

income to come into your life?  Make the switch.

You’ll be glad you did.

Integrity~A Very Important Skill for Prospering

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It is incredible to me how integrity is a lost skill in our modern culture.  People break their word all the time, and then they wonder why they are not making money, or their relationships don’t work.  If prosperity is the abundant flow of energy through our being, then integrity is like the container which allows the flow to continue.  If we don’t have integrity, our abundance leaks out and gets dissipated.  And it is common!

It is common for people to break their word, and think it is ok.  It is almost as if the value of autonomy and freedom that came from the 1960s is more important than integrity.  It seems to be an adolescent stage, a rebellious place of not wanting to be held accountable, to constantly follow the whim of emotion, and abandon projects when they get difficult.  I understand.  I think we all go through it.  However, when we break our word, things break down.  Time and time again, when we keep our word and show up for commitments, we make more money.  It is phenomenal.

Here are some excuses people make for not keeping their word:

“I’m not feeling it right now.”

“I have to clean out my bathtub.”

“I can’t afford it.”

“He/she won’t let me.”

“I didn’t really mean it when I said I would do that.”

All of these excuses are just smokescreens for the resistant, rebellious attitude of “I don’t wanna”.  Sometimes people with low integrity have a lot of repressed anger, and that’s how it comes out~sideways with missed commitments.  And practicing integrity can be uncomfortable at first~but overall, it feels good for your inner being, and works for your prosperity.  Since I began practicing greater integrity, I have been willing to be held accountable to greater and greater results, and I have made more and more money.  It has not been easy.  I was very slippery with my word for many years.  It was easy to hide breaking my word when I was a young person, only making $1000 a month, and was not held accountable very much by very many people.  I could show up to work late, not show up for social engagements, be late on a bill, without much consequence except my own conscience squirming.  Having my own business and manifesting much more each month, I’ve had to be more accountable to more people, places, bills, and results than ever before, and there is no hiding! 

Sometimes our original commitment is a mistake.  That is the time to renegotiate it.  Not bail on it.  Many people think they will leave a commitment when they “change their mind”, but that only creates an incomplete.  A renegotiation is a process that involves two people.  So if you want to renegotiate, you have to work it out with that other person you made the original commitment to.   Sometimes a renegotiation is possible.  Sometimes it is not.  If it is not, be willing to pay the price up front.  Because believe me if you don’t, karma will take it out later!  Some examples of how the universe has paid me back for breaking my word:  angry people, huge fines & fees, unexpected “disasters”, clients and friends showing up breaking their word with me, etc.

So either we keep our word or we don’t.  And if we don’t keep our word we don’t need to beat up on ourselves, the thing to do is to simply pay the cost.  Okay, you’re late on that bill, pay the late fee.  You don’t show up for that class, pay the fine.  You bail on a friend, make up for it with another date or a gift.  Being willing to pay the price means you’re willing to clean up your mess.  We all make messes, it’s just that some of us know it.  And we know the power of keeping our word, or cleaning it up.  It is a basic prosperity skill.  

Some basic integrity practice:

1)Where did you promise something and not follow thru?  Finish it.

2)Where are you saying yes when you mean no and no when you mean yes?  Speak true.  Re-negotiate.

3)Where did you bail on someone?  Make good with them.

True Wealth~How Tight or Generous are we, really?

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true wealth is generosity in action, in alignment with one’s core values and continually expanding based on one’s physical manifestations.  how wealthy are you?  i know plenty of people of humble means who give, or tithe, a lot of their time, talents & treasures to where they are receiving spiritual guidance, to charities, to their business, to friends & family.  that is wealth, in my book.  the continual circulation of resources based on an assumption that MORE always comes and that there is an infinite abundance for all.  i know a woman who by “society’s standards” lives a very humble lifestyle.  She lives in an apartment, with 3 dependents, works full time.  She is incredibly generous, always giving away food, gifts, and time.  She is cheerful and peaceful.  And her life works.

i also know some people who live in large fancy homes, drive very nice cars, and have large incomes or bank accounts, who do not share much.  One woman i know is quite wealthy by the outward demonstration, but is a recluse, hiding herself from people, and shunning interaction with others.  This woman has all the outward display of wealth, but not the corresponding wealthy action of generosity.  However, I saw this woman recently respond to a shower of gifts by giving a small gift back herself, so there is hope.  The prospering power of generosity can get through even to a poor little rich girl.

how much are YOU giving?  how is that giving aligned with your spiritual values?  Catherine Ponder, longtime prosperity teacher, whose writings in the 50s and 60s invigorated the conversation about giving, says give of your time, your talents, and your treasures, including money.  Re-frame all tightness, hoarding, and witholding tendencies, and freely circulate what you have.  John D. Rockefeller gave away 90% of his income ONGOINGLY.  That is what made him continue to be wealthy.  The law is that whatever we give freely comes back to us multiplied.  Truly a wealth-consciousness practice.

Are you wealthy?  Are you giving?  I invite you to go through your home and your life and find 10 hours of time you can give away, 10 skills or talents you can share, and 10 items you’d like to circulate, whether that is money, household goods, etc. Remember the poor little rich girl~How much you give is a true measure of your wealth, not how much you have.

paying the right kind of attention~love & money

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in work as well as love, being able to pay attention to people in the right kind of way brings results.  I learned this through playing the relationship game and the 10-man game that my coach Toni Stone taught me.  See, all my life, I’ve been all about me.  Wanting everyone to pay attention to ME.  When I was a kid, it was cute.  And when I was a performer in my 20’s, it was entertaining.  But in my 30’s and 40’s , as I’ve become a mom, teacher, and coach, I had to learn to shift focus to others to make life work.  this has led to being able to be a great contribution to others in my work, i am very grateful to be of service.  and…..

it’s easy to give someone attention if they are paying you for that attention.  harder to stay in tune through daily life with what they really want and need.  it’s good to practice with friends and partners.  so~you can play some games.  In the relationship game you pick a friend to practice with~you each pick 3, (or 5, or 10) things you want to receive from your friend to feel attended to and happy(this can be time listening, chocolate, sports news, a cup of coffee, a card, tell me a joke, listen to music, a gift of money, etc.)  Then you do your best to do those 3 things for your friend in the course of whatever time you decide~one day, one week, one month.  And you watch what shows up.

i noticed when i was married for 12 years to the same guy we got in predictable patterns of what to give each other, which was kind of boring.  when i suggested any games to spice things up he wasn’t into it.  okay, not wanting to play along showed up.  i got angry and didn’t give anything to him.  passive aggressiveness showed up.  then i overcompensated and gave him his favorite sexual favor for a year.  he still wasn’t willing to play the game.  martyr syndrome showed up.  okay.

being single again i’ve practiced the game more with friends, thanks to Toni.  This has helped me learn to be friends with men.  it’s always been easier for me to be in lots of relationships with women than with me.  but as i practiced with both genders i noticed i’m really good at what Toni & her husband Steve call “scoop and dump”~where i give a lot to someone to get the giving over with, and then ignore them.  it’s vulnerable and annoying to me to pay attention to someone consistently.  selfishness shows up sometimes.

then i played the 10-man game, and that really stunk.  then i had to pay attention to 10 different people!  Some can be relatives and friends, some i wanted to date.  the game is to give a card, buy them coffee, spend 15 minutes chatting, buy a meal, or give a gift they would like, to each of the 10 different men once a week for a month.  I made a chart~this will be fun, i thought.  i’ll get some dates!

at first it was fun.  i started finding out more about my dad and my brother, and appreciating guy friends more.  the men i wanted to date didn’t reciprocate the attention, they were all duds.  i got frustrated but…i got the point.  relationship is a lot of work.  i surrendered to the work.  i thought, maybe some dates will come out of the next round.  i noticed my guy friends and relatives were really there for me when i needed help moving, chauffeuring, entertaining the kids.

we get exactly what we give, that’s how prosperity works, though not always from where we gave it.  so then i started noticing there was another guy who was giving me a lot of attention.  he wasn’t on the chart.  he was a new friend, he was a bit older than i so i didn’t take him seriously as date material because of that. he was giving me & my children rides to our local spiritual center, he was asking me how i was doing and listening attentively, he was offering to take me out for coffee.  suddenly because i was getting how much work it is to pay attention, i started really appreciating how attentive he was to me.  i said yes to coffee.  and now, 6 months later, we are still playing the relationship game, and having fun.

try paying more attention to others this month…see what happens.  what shows up?  our lifework depends on relationships.  attention seems to keep it all going, if we’re willing to do the work.

bliss & blisters~the yoga of relationship

Imagethe problem with tantric work that focuses on pleasure is…sometimes that pleasure does not translate to daily life.  following the pleasure, releasing pain, and becoming more present is wonderful.  AND…it needs a real life component.  I’ve seen it time and time again, where a man and woman get into greater presence & pleasure together, and then they go home and fight.  If greater presence does not translate into SHOWING UP better for others, it is just masturbation.  

We have to get down to work.  We have to pick partners that are willing to work.  We have to engage practices that work.  The good news is~when we pick a partner who is willing to work, and we ourselves are willing to work, then, the work is fun!  It might create a few blisters, but hey.  When we are changing our patterns, there can be a bit of discomfort.  Thankfully, workability in our relationships on a daily basis is worth it.  It’s like a full and satisfying meal.  And then the bliss of spiritual sex is an amazing dessert.

So in my workshops we work on both~presence to self, and attentiveness to another.  We practice more honest communication with fun games like the relationship game, the 10 man/10 woman game, the complaint game, the withhold game.  We get better at resolving difficulties quickly, so we can get to the real business of doing our sacred work and being of service in the world.  Not om-ing in a cave, masturbating.

Paying Attention…in the way that works.

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“What is praised increases.  What has attention continues.”  ~Toni Stone

Learning to use our awareness & attention in appropriate ways is a big part of prosperity practice.   As we become more skilled at paying attention in certain ways we become able to manifest anything!  Here are a few tips to help you get more of what you want.

1.  Put your attention on others.  Listen to what’s going on with them.   Then see how you can help.

2.  Ask for attention from others when it works for them.  Stop creating drama to get attention.  Just ask for it when the other person is available, and give an energy exchange if appropriate.  Ie; pay for help.

3.  Ask the right person for the right job.  If you want attention about growing your business, ask someone who has grown a business.  If you want attention about parenting, ask someone who has been a parent.  If you want attention about your relationship, ask someone who has relationship experience….

4.  Give yourself attention so that you can free up your attention for others.  Do what you and your inner child love.  Listen to your own thoughts & feelings & needs.

5.  Give the GOOD your attention.  Practice gratitude every day, be attentive to the good, and it will grow.  Say, write, paint, dance your gratitudes.  Be attentive to the good in any situation and any person.

 

Kathy Kali is grateful to be a prosperity coach & tantric teacher for 10 years, making it up as she goes along, and prospering exceedingly.  Her coach Toni Stone taught her that.  🙂