Yes I was STUPID with Money

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I am a single mom business owner living in Ashland, Oregon who has made some STUPID choices with money.  Yes, i am a prosperity coach, and I have been STUPID with money.  Why do you think I teach about this?  Because I’m continually learning.  I was stupid as a married housewife, when I wasted money on luxury items, including car payments and a HELOC that was not required, but desired. I did not understand I was trying to “keep up with the Joneses” by building a gorgeous home studio, installing beautiful landscaping, and paying for the latest & trendiest spiritual workshops, but I sure was.  When I think about it now, I was also treating myself for putting up with a marriage that did not have emotional or spiritual intimacy.

My parents have always been savers, driving old cars and being frugal financially.  My first car I paid cash for, at their encouragement.  And they sent me to college debt-free, for which I will always be grateful.  But I felt constrained by their frugality because they didn’t seem to be connected to a Divine Abundance.  It felt tight to me.  Also, they were introverts who kept their spirituality very private, and as an extraverted and spiritual child I longed for spiritual community.  10 years ago I found a wonderful coach, Toni Stone(see http://www.wonderworks.org) who had a Unity background, and she taught me to tithe, pray, keep positive, and be a giver. Coaching with her helped me connect with the Universal source of abundance, and work on my goals.  I started a women’s support group business, and grew my income.  And I have had some amazing demonstrations:  6 figure years, great growth of my programs in the Pacific Northwest, travel, trainings, a nice car, saving a down-payment on a home.  It has been amazing.

I chose to take an in-person training with my coach, which was very expensive due to the escalating airline fees, and committed to fly across the country every other month for 5 years.  During this time I discovered my husband was opposed to spirituality. He began to abuse me verbally about my faith(and I’m sure this was partly because my faith caused me to spend a lot of our family money on this training!). While I tried to meet him halfway by going to counseling together & getting better at paying my way, he was not willing to meet me halfway and respect my spiritual beliefs.  He refused to ever give or tithe any of his income to charities or churches, it was not a value for him.  And so after 3 years of marriage counseling and trying to work it out we divorced. I would not have had the strength to do this without my coach and her training. I will always be grateful to her for this.  I am now a sovereign woman.  I do not have to “dumb down” my beliefs in trade for financial security.

But once I had the freedom to do what I wanted as a single mom, I was still STUPID with money.  I didn’t know how to manage it once I had it.  I never learned to release debt or to live within my means.  I wanted to look good.  After my divorce, I tithed 25%, continued flying across the country for training, rented an expensive house in my new town, vacationed, and bought luxury items.  I was depressed, and had a desire to rest after the divorce. I had that “I deserve it” feeling, and treated myself with a lot of luxuries.  I was also addicted to the debt cycle.   I would make good money, but then amass credit card debt because I thought I needed to develop better credit in order to buy a home.  I didn’t think I had a problem with debt because I made my payments on time, and my FICO score was going up.  Ah, chasing the FICO score, and keeping up with the Joneses.  But the payments on my debts were taking a significant chunk out of my income, and my ability to increase savings.  When my former landlady turned out to be a psycho alcoholic, and my boyfriend said the townhouse apartment next to him was vacant, I moved.  I felt embarrassed because I thought that made me “look bad”.  Now I see it was an incredible blessing, to be in a neighborhood with more kids, near a helpful boyfriend, and with a cheaper rent that enables me to save for the future.  My addiction to “Keeping up with the Joneses”  is connected to credit card debt~it’s all the same attachment to looking good.

When I listened to Dave Ramsey’s Total Money Makeover audio, I was electrified!   “Debt is dumb, cash is king”, he says.  And he outlines the very reason why many struggle in our culture:  debt payments tie up income that could be used for saving, giving, or living!  If we can let go of the need to “look good”, we can actually get good results from our biggest wealth-building tool:  our income.  His 7 Baby Steps outline common sense principles for saving for emergencies, getting out of debt, buying a home, and saving more towards retirement, kids’ education, and wealth building, all without dependence on a FICO score!  Yes, he encourages you to “live cheap” when you are first starting.  He also supports tithing and spiritual giving.  His students have had amazing results, with many paying off their home mortgages early, and going on to be millionaires!(see http://www.daveramsey.com)

Now I am managing my money with a plan that is both spiritual and practical.  I’ve come back to the money attitude of my parents, with also putting God first in the way my coach taught me.  I scaled my tithing back to 10%.  I immediately paid off the last $8500 of credit card debt.  I cut up all my credit cards.  I put my business on a budget, continuing to be generous with my clients while avoiding extravagant expenses.    With all of these changes I have freed up $1000 of extra income a month to add to my savings!   I am excited to share about these results so I am now weaving his 7 Baby Steps into all my classes. And I am teaching my kids to give, save, and spend in balance, with their allowance!  It is possible to learn from our stupid mistakes, make good money AND manage it well!  I am learning.

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why a single mom should be president

single mom success

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

       single mothers are sovereign women.  that means, women who are in charge of our own queendom, and raise children without relying upon a man for primary support.  This gives us a uniquely powerful perspective.  And it is a perspective that our single & childless, or married with children, sisters, can learn from and look up to.  Sadly, I’ve noticed that the opposite is often the case:  there is sometimes a social stigma associated with being a single mother.  From my personal experience it appears that single mothers get more done, with more responsibility, and authenticity, than many other women.  This is leadership.

        when i was married, i noticed i often “watered down” my stand on certain issues because my husband was paying for me. when i started paying my own way, I was unwilling to be manipulated by money.  i became more real and honest about what i liked, and what i didn’t like.  When I was a dependent wife I judged single mothers for their humble homes, their constant busyness, and their lack of a man in their lives.  Why don’t they just get a man to help pay for them?  I wondered.   Now I know why.  Single mothers value our ability to create our own circumstances.  More than any outward show of opulence, our independence is priceless.  That is wealth.

       now that i have been sovereign for nearly 3 years, i am amazed at what we(my team of supporters & i), have been capable of: getting through some incredibly difficult circumstances to create victorious outcomes, creating 6 figure income, giving a generous percentage of income to spiritual teachers and charities, traveling for training and professional development, setting aside good savings, purchasing good organic food and housing for my family.   Many of my single & childless or married with children friends seem to have trouble giving as deeply and widely as we do.   I think we all can benefit from looking to the single mothers in our community for guidance in being wealthy, sovereign women.

 

single moms make great leaders because:

we know how to make money & prosper

we are used to long hours without complaint

we are mediators of conflict

we do what is right, not what will please others

we love and nurture, and we provide and care

we balance the budget

we stand up to bullies

we are not manipulated by financial bribes

we put the good of the whole above our needs

we fight for the safety and health of children

we create community and teams

we bypass drama, and create workability

we don’t pass the buck…we take responsibility.

 

bless all single moms, and those who
respect their leadership…Aho.

From consumer to producer~becoming prosperous through giving

The universe always exacts its due: whatever we give comes back to us.  And whatever we receive, or consume, requires an equal level of giving, or producing.    For us to become prosperous we have to become bigger givers. This is hard, when we each have our ingrained hoarding patterns and resentments that keep us from being generous, and cultural patterns too.  Sometimes we pretend to be a victim, but that is just a cover up for not giving. I see this pattern in some of my single mom sisters. Good to examine the underpinnings of our receiving. Are we taking out of a sense of entitlement? Or are we receiving with gratitude and real desire to give back?

Some signs you might be more of a consumer than a producer:

Do you receive more income from others than you give in labor and time?

Are you frustrated at how little control you seem to have over your circumstances?

Do you blame others for the way your life is?

Do you see yourself as a victim? Are you angry or bitter?

Do you hardly ever give tips, or extra donations of time, talents, money to others?

Are you dependent upon state support primarily for all your living expenses, with no future work strategy in sight?

Do you receive large gifts from others and forget to say “thank you”?

Do you resent others for charging money for their services, and refuse to ever pay people for things?  

Are you always expecting a handout?

I used to be dependent~upon my parents, upon my husband, upon the state.  Through a process of 10 years of spiritual practice, and help from wise others who have taught me to be more generous, now I am gratefully sovereign and self-sufficient, able to give to others and make a good living for myself and my children. There is a wonderful empowerment in being a producer.  Once I learned to give, give, and give more and more each day, I found that I was able to generate money easily, and had much more control over my life and circumstances. It has been wonderful!

Don’t get me wrong:  I am thankful for the gifts from the Universe that have sustained me, especially through hard times.  However, to only receive and to not give back, as a way of life for years and years, is the posture of a child, and leads to stagnation. For the flow of giving and receiving to continue it must be balanced.  I am even more thankful for my ability to give back, to nurture others and give others attention.  And honestly, giving to others as a way of life is what makes life work, for me.  It shifts my attention from my desire to “get” for myself alone, to my desire to help and share.  There is a natural flow of joy, and then the help, money, and opportunities I require naturally come.  All the bills get paid.  What a blessing, to finally learn to be an adult, through producing love.  I am very grateful.

Kathy Kali

The Wealthy Woman Coaching Program

 

Honoring Teachers; Some Tips for Ministers, Teachers, and other Spiritual Practitioners

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It is extraordinary to me how far away we have come from honoring teachers, parents, and other guides, in the way that really serves life.  Tithing(giving 10% or more of income) to our spiritual source of teaching and inspiration brings good.  This is an established spiritual practice for thousands of years.  I personally have had amazing experience with this practice for 10 years.  It has helped me trust God, benefit those who have helped me, tame my ego, increase my income times 20, and heal my relationship with my Mother.  But tithing has not yet hit the mainstream. It appears to be secreted away in churches and temples. In the everyday world many who call themselves spiritual teachers do not even acknowledge it.

I recently had the opportunity to share my experience about tithing with 2 spiritual practitioners:  one, an experienced minister, and one, a prosperity teacher who touts her generosity.  One wanted advice to grow her practice, and the other advice about how to deal with a wayward student who was not honoring her teachings.  I suggested both of them could look to their own practice of honoring parents and spiritual teachers.  Neither of them even responded to my words, even though I was encouraging them from my real experience, and in support of their wisdom and expertise.  It appears to me that tithing is like the Italian ships(Nina, Pinta, Santa Maria) were to the Native Americans:  invisible.  The Native Americans had no experiential context to know what ships were, and so, they simply did not see them.

How is it that honoring parents and teachers has become so out of context that it is not even recognizable?  It seems to me that we have become a very selfish culture, concerned mainly with our own autonomy and personal needs.  We think “giving to charity” is tithing.  Charitable giving can be good, but when done as our primary generosity practice, engenders a feeling of “better than others”, whereas tithing makes us grateful.  The age-old practice of tithing plants us firmly in our roots, as we enact true humbleness and gratitude to those who have guided and sourced us.  This seems to be a cultural problem.   Many people I talk to do not know the difference between tithing and charity.

I live in Ashland, a spiritual community where there are many who call themselves spiritual teachers.   While I believe everyone has something to share, I must admit I look to how someone is walking their talk before absorbing their message.  Are they tithing?  Are they honoring parents?  Are they sharing of what they have with their spiritual teachers?  There are many who are flashy, with fancy marketing messages, who are not living as deeply devoted as they could be to their own source of spiritual nourishment.  And that, to me, makes all the difference.  I am grateful to my parents for being my first spiritual teachers, and to my coach and mentor, for teaching me the power of gratitude.  And I am grateful too, to give back to where I have been sourced.  Giving makes us like God, and less like these little human personalities, that think we invented it all ourselves.

I believe that when we are all honoring where we have been sourced, those we qualify as wise will be empowered to lead us into world peace.  So I challenge you:  if you consider yourself a spiritual leader, teacher, or mentor, think about your responsibility to model gratitude.  Give back.  Where have you been sourced and inspired?  How can you humble your ego to the lineage you are a part of, open up your prosperity, and experience the joy of seeing your mentors thrive?  Bless you, and your good work in becoming more grateful.  Aho!

Prosperity is bigger than YOU!

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Many people who come to prosperity work think it is about the money. I know that was my motivation in the beginning.  Really, it’s about expanded consciousness.  When we put ourselves in a context of greater giving, and begin to share authentically of our gifts, suddenly we become channels for good.  We are world-changers, world-leaders, and world-givers.  It is amazing.  This context increases our feeling of deserving more money, and attracts more money to us.  And when we give, our consciousness is saying, “I HAVE it to give”, which attracts more of that experience of “having”, which is like a kind of trust, a sense that there is always plenty.

Learn to prosper by creating a bigger context for yourself that includes GIVING. I have given a percentage of my income to spiritual work for 10 years, and built a 6-figure income as a result. Prosperity comes when we get out of the notion that prosperity is for the self alone. It is not. It is to SHARE.  The “for the self alone” mentality is how wars, poverty, and famine have been created.  Let’s uncreate that, and create a world of plenty.  How much do you share of the income that comes your way?  And do you share with places and people for whose wisdom you are truly grateful?

Who has contributed to your spiritual growth?  And what kind of consciousness do you want to see thrive in the world?  When we align ourselves and give to these places, suddenly our work is not just about our little world, it is about the big world.  When we give to our spiritual source, we get….more help, guidance, love and support, from our spiritual source, and we keep those places of inspiration thriving so they may inspire many.  Some people think giving bigger means giving to charities, but that by itself is a little dangerous.  To give only to a need perpetuates a consciousness of need, and creates arrogance on the part of the giver, like, “rich me, poor them”.  Charitable giving needs to be combined with spiritual giving for the greatest benefit, and a consciousness of true gratitude on the part of the giver.

If you think you are going to sit on a stockpile of money when you get rich, think again.  Yes, you will have plenty to live a satisfying life.  Yes, all your material needs will be met.  And yes, you will be able to do a lot of good.  Truly rich people are givers, and they are continually circulating money for good purpose, to both spiritual and charitable works.  I invite you to think of your places of inspiration right now, and begin to give money, time, and talents there.  Notice how you feel, and what blessings show up for you.  It is truly amazing.

Helping your clients go from “thinking about it”, to YES!

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“The place God calls you to is the place where your deep gladness and the world’s deep hunger meet.”  

~Frederick Buechner

How do you help people get from just “thinking about” your work to saying “YES” and purchasing your goods & services?  This is confusing and difficult for many entrepreneurs.  Maybe you give away a lot of products and services but have trouble making money?  Maybe you don’t have a lot of people who love & admire your work in the first place?  Or perhaps you feel insecure about charging market value for your work?

You’re not alone.  I’ve been there too.  When I first started a personal growth business years ago, I wasn’t even sure there was a market for it.  And I felt insecure to actually charge for a spiritual service.  I felt embarrassed.  However, I had a passion for what I did, and I knew that charging money would ensure longevity.  I knew it would enable me to serve people in nice facilities, with good equipment, and peace of mind, knowing my back-end costs, and material needs like childcare, rent and food, were met.

But all that alone was not enough for me to attract paying clients.  I had to put myself in a context beyond myself and my own needs.  I had to get out of what money would do for me or my work.  I had to get into the mindset of helping others.  Once I did that, I began to prosper, and BIG TIME!  These are the tips that I learned from my coach, which, put into practice, helped me build a 6-figure business.  I encourage you to put them in action now, to attract plenty of good, paying work.

1.   Find a purpose and a meaning for your work that is bigger than you.  Why are you doing what you are doing?  Who inspires you?  What is your greater purpose?  Maybe you are here to teach others, to inspire healing?  To help women or minorities?  To bring more peace, order, beauty, or empowerment?  Begin to give a percentage of your income to the places that serve that vision.  This can be giving to spiritual teachers, sharing with charities, or organizations that are making the world a better place.  This helps you feel more deserving to receive big, because you are giving big.  Giving to where you are spiritually inspired increases your own sense of gratitude and satisfaction, and makes sure that inspirational work continues to serve the world.   When you get out of your own concerns, and into greater purpose, you automatically feel more enthusiastic and inspired, which is very attractive to potential clients and customers.

2.  Network, network, network!  Get out and meet people in your community so that you have a pool of people to draw from.  You can’t prosper by sitting at home waiting for an email or a phone call.  On average 1 out of 100 people I met would sign up for my work, and 1 out of 10 of my friends and family.  Go to parties, potlucks, networking events.  Post flyers, update your website, write a blog, post a video.  Keep yourself visible, and connected to others.  Being in community ensures ample flow, and healthy circulation for your business.

3.  Listen and find out what people need.  Life works when you give others attention, my coach Toni Stone says.  And it is true.  Often people just want someone to listen to them. I regularly give a free 1/2 hour consultation to prospective coaching clients.  I simply listen, and write down what they want.  This is helpful because if someone wants help, they will often sign up after a free call. And if they do not want ongoing help from me, I am then able to refer them to another practitioner, or to some practices they can do at home.  In the context of helping others, it does not matter who signs up with you or who signs up with someone else.  You create goodwill simply by being a good listener.

4.  Give freely of the things you have to give.  This may be samples of your products or services, special gifts you purchase or make to give away, or items from your home or office that you are passing on.  I give away books, affirmations, food, candles, magnets, and other gifts on a regular basis.  You can also give specific gifts that you know someone will like.  I was recently at an entrepreneur fair and bought a book for a client because it was on the specific theme she is working on in her life.  Giving freely is fun, and it also enriches relationships.  Most of the clients I have came because I got to know them, and gave them a lot of attention, services, and gifts.  Occasionally someone will come in sight unseen and sign up as a paying client, but usually it is through giving.

5.  Sell an inexpensive good or service first.  There are many ways to create these kinds of opportunities:  small products, introductory classes or private sessions that cost between $5 and $50 are a good place to start.   Sales and discounts are great too.  Helping someone inexpensively gets them in the door to get to know you and what you offer.  If they like what they purchase, they may come back and be a repeat client.  Sometimes someone will come to you and request your most expensive offering.  That is great, of course sign them up!  But be aware the gradual approach is more common.

6.  Touch and go.  This is a technique used in retail sales that works.  Once you connect with someone, give them something, and let them know about your offerings, leave them alone to think about it.  If you hover over them they might purchase something from you, but they might just want a lot of free attention.  There have been times I gave someone lots and lots of attention only to find out they never intended to purchase in the first place.  That was time I could have used serving other paying clients or spending time with my children.  Leave them alone and attend to other clients, and then touch back with them to find out what they need.  At that point it will become clear whether or not they are serious about buying.  Give, and then give them space.

6.  Get a clear yes or no.  When you want to fill a class or workshop, sell a particular product, or up your private client load, decide how many spots you want to fill or products you want to sell, and then find out who will buy them.  Then you can go about asking people if they would like to enroll or buy a product, and get a clear yes or no from them.  I find for me this makes me less emotionally attached to what any one person says, because if one person says no, I just move on to the next, until my spots are filled.  If you’ve done plenty of giving to establish and enrich your relationships, there will be plenty of people who will say yes to your offerings.

7.  Give what you want to receive.  If you are always saying, “no thank you” to opportunities to buy products and services that inspire you, then that is what you will get:  lots of people saying no to you.  If you hold back, “thinking about it”, so will they.  To make yourself more receptive to paying clients, you can be a paying client of someone else.  Find the places that inspire you, and support them financially.  I pay about $750/month for high level coaching & training, and this makes me more willing to receive high level income.  I regularly receive $100 bills, and am very willing to help others at my top rate.  This does not mean you have to start at a $750 level.   I encourage you to stretch into receiving some help, goods, or services at whatever level you can afford right now.  I started 9 years ago by investing in a $45/month coaching call.  That was what opened the door for me to receiving more income from others.  Saying “yes please”  to buying goods and services you love means lots of people will say “Yes please!”  to you.

I hope these tips have been helpful.  

It is my joy to help others prosper doing what they love.

Thank you for reading Passion to Prosper, and have an abundant day!

blessings,

Kathy Kali

ProsperityPrinciples

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10 Ways to Prosper in ANY economy

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1.  Be grateful for what you have now.  Gratitude brings more to be grateful for.

2.  Begin to share more of what you have:  your time, talents, and treasures.  Yes, this means money!  The more you circulate, the more will come back to you.

3.  Get with people who make more money than you do:  find a coaching group or mentor, business associations and mastermind groups are good too.

4.  Be in action everyday.  Do 10 things a day to further your prosperity and your work.

5.  Visualize what you want.  Do vision boards.  Do vision BOOKS.

6.  Forgive people you can’t stand.  Nothing destroys prosperity faster than a grudge.

7.  Receive more help than before~being supported is essential for you to go to the next level.

8.  Say affirmations out loud with a friend every day.  Change your thoughts to expect more good.

9.  List 10 wealthy people you admire, and why.  Appreciate the benefits wealth can bring.

10.  Give MORE!  Give away 10 items from your home today, quality things, that you would be happy to receive yourself if you were given them.  Giving moves energy, and creates a vacuum for more good to come in.